TOW #18 - My Life Is A Joke

"His words no longer hurt me. They make me feel so proud.

Why did the chicken cross the road? That’s me. I am the chicken. And I got to the other side. He knew this would happen when he spoke those words. How beautiful to be seen."

     Sheila Heti is a very creative writer, with a style and voice that is perhaps best described as "alternative." So this article causes many readers to stumble back thinking, "Am I missing something?... Why is this hodgepodge essay in The New Yorker?" This is mostly caused by a lack of a proper introduction to the piece - it was actually written for a specific event in response to a specific prompt. Not having that background information causes some parts to be admittedly rather disconcerting. However, once that is cleared up, the piece truly contains some fascinating ideas and rhetoric.

     As described here, Heti prepared this piece for an event at a literary arts center. The theme "Laugh After Death" was meant to prompt the speakers to write about the concept of death in humorous way, as opposed to the usual "monotonous and morbid and drab" essay on death. The context clarifies the most seemingly out-of-place sections of the article, such as when the narrator discusses travelling a long way to speak at an event (the humor in which would have been much clearer in context). Perhaps The New Yorker and Heti would have done well to include a brief introduction - even if it subtracted from the drama of the beginning, it would have cleared up larger issues for many readers.

     The piece is narrated by a woman who has come back from the dead to brag that after a life lived and ended in loneliness, her death has allowed her to finally be "witnessed" by others. She has also apparently conquered an ex-boyfriend's criticism of her: "You are a joke, and your life is a joke." She presents herself as the chicken who crossed the road: she was a chicken who could not bear life any longer, and crossed to the other side in her suicide. Heti's character ascribes this victory - fulfilling the joke and therefore having a witness to her life (see the quote above) - to be the reason for coming to the event to speak.

     Beyond the morbidly fascinating metaphor of the chicken joke, the piece is intriguing because of the character Heti creates. The narrator speaks directly to the audience, her tone growing increasingly desperate and almost crazed. The piece is short but cleverly written, through a character that the reader cannot help but pity, wanting to scorn her and shake her into realization all at the same time.

     Heti responded to the prompt in an undeniably creative way. I would like to have watched her present this piece, to see if she made it dramatic or comedically dry. And there may be a greater message to this as well - the speaker is miserable her whole life because of others' words and criticisms against her, and ultimately "avenges" herself by fulfilling those ideas. I see the piece as revealing, through a sort of satire, the pitifulness of a life designed solely to please others.